I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
