I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
