I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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