the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
