i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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