Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
