i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
