end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
