I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
