dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
