I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
