Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
