there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to calm my uterus...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
