I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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