K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
