I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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