Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
