Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
