I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
