I wish I could teleport
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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