I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
