i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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