oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
