Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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