I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
