What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
