Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
