Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have demons in me.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
