I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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