do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
