Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
