1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I look better un-naked...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
