R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just google imaged poop.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
