I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
