DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
