He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
