1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
