Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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