the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
