My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
