my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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