YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
