Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
