New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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