hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
