I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
