Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
