im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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