he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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