Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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