You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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