I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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