at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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