i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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