Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
