I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He passed out mid-signature
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
