I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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