Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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