The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone says I win the strip club
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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