As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Even my vagina gasped.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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