also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
