Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
