just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
