What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
