He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have to summon your inner elephant
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
