and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
