sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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