Can i not drive my cunt home
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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