Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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