I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
