why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
