can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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