His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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