she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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