Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
