My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
