All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
