He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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